Growing inside and out

This week is my 23rd week of pregnancy. Well, actually at my Dr.'s appointment today I found out that I'm really only 22 weeks along with a changed due date of June 9th because of how baby was measuring last month at my sonogram appointment.

But who wants to look back? So, I'm just going to keep calling it my 23rd week and hope that baby will get a growth spurt soon. Today's appointment went very well. We were able to hear the heartbeat again and discussed some birthing options with my doctor. When Liam was born I was going to have a mostly natural birth and I was going to sit in the birthing tub and labor and use the hot shower to help with the pain of contractions. This was my plan. Ha Ha.

Liam's plan was to get out and get out now. The small contractions that I was having, that I couldn't even really feel, he couldn't handle. With each contraction his heartbeat dropped and when the doctor broke my water to try to get me into more active labor, there was meconium in it meaning he was stressed and we needed to get him out fast. No need for breathing exercises that we had practiced, no water tub to labor in, I couldn't even get out of the bed to use the toilet because the nurses didn't want to unhook me from the monitors. Everything went fast and was surprising and didn't go the way I had envisioned it at all.

After Liam was born and the weeks that followed I felt robbed. I felt like I had missed out on something I could have done. I was upset and continually asked my doctor what had really happened that caused me to have a cesarean. With my two pregnancies since then I was determined to push for a VBAC. (vaginal birth after cesarean) I wanted to know her success rate, I wanted to know my chances of succeeding and if I didn't like what I was going to hear I was going to find a new doctor who would tell me what I wanted to hear.

I believe I have grown in the past year. I have realized that it's not how you run the race but that the most important thing is the end result.  A healthy baby. Liam was so healthy and instead of focusing on that and what a blessing that is all I could do was focus on what I didn't get to do.

I don't know God's plan for this baby and how the baby will come into this world. But I don't care anymore either. I care that in the end I get a healthy baby and whatever we have to do to make that happen is what we will do. Do I sound like I'm maturing and growing up? Figuring out what's most important? Don't let me fool you, just one lesson that I'm starting to work out the pieces to.

Now, some photos to document my growing physically:

15 weeks (maternity pants but still squeezing into that cardigan)

18 weeks (this would be my I don't care look; I might want to start caring huh)

23 weeks (22 weeks according to the doctor)

Well, not only am I growing larger but I'm really bad at taking consistent shots. I'm wearing different clothes in every picture, as I get fatter I must be taking up more of the camera lens too because with each picture I take up more and more of the image. Well, there's no sugar coating it the second time around, Evan is shocked when I wear anything besides my robe.