Three years

The following post is for me to document Liam at 3. It may bore you or sound braggy but I am just trying to make sure I write this all down before I completely forget in another 3 years.

Liam at 3 years old is a bundle of energy! He is typically my happy, independent, energetic little boy but at times he has his tantrums as well. Mostly not in front of other people, he saves his tantrums for only Mom and Dad. For this we are so thankful.

Liam's personality is a mix of Evan and I. He is quiet and reserved when meeting new people or people he doesn't know as well, like Evan. He is also very outgoing, funny and sweet when he is around his family and friends, like me. He is very caring and concerned when someone gets hurt or when another kid is upset. He loves to laugh, dance and sing and his favorite toys to play with are his superheros. Spiderman is usually his favorite but that can sometimes change depending on the day.

Liam still takes a nap every day, usually for 1 1/2 hours in the afternoon. He goes to bed at 8 pm and doesn't wake until 7 or later the next day. He is not a morning person at all, like Evan, and it is a struggle every morning to get him dressed and out the door if he has to go to daycare.

Liam has really taken off with potty training. He rarely has accidents anymore and usually will tell us when he has to go. We still watch the time and if its been 2 hours we escort him to the bathroom even though he is telling us the whole way that he doesn't have to go, he always does. He still wears a pull up at naptime and bedtime.

We did take him to the doctor right after his birthday but that was because he had the stomach flu and was complaining of his ears hurting. So I know he weighs almost 30 pounds but I can't remember how tall he is. He can still wear most of his 2T shirts although the 3T shirts fit him much better and he can definitely wear almost all of his 24 month/2T pants. Those legs are still so short!

Liam does not like when anything happens that he is not expecting. So, if he is playing with a toy and the car fell off of the carrier, he usually will have a slight meltdown about it. Or, like today, his meatball fell off his spoon onto the floor and you would have thought he had broken his arm for all the screaming and tears that were shed. Also he will become extremely upset if you do something for him that he feels he can do himself. Like turning on the light, helping him put on his shirt or picking up a book.

Liam still loves to read and do his puzzles. His favorite books right now are his superhero books and he has started to enjoy longer books as well, such as the Mr. books. (Mr. Grumpy, Mr. Happy, Mr. Bump) He loves to play games such as Pengoloo, Skunk Bingo and Memory. He also really enjoys the early preschool activity book that my Mom got him that has him practicing circles and identifying which bunny is the largest and which bunny is the smallest. He is also very good at seeing which ones are the same size. He is very good with his letters and able to identify almost all of them. He can also count to 29, always skipping 19. And can identify some of his numbers as well, 10 and under. His Sunday School teacher said that she can tell that he must do some sort of daycare because he is a very good listener and follows instructions well.

Liam is usually not scared of anything or anybody. During the Christmas program at church, Evan and I looked down at the pew he was sitting in and realized that there were many parents holding their children due to them being nervous about being in front of the whole church. Liam was just sitting in the pew with his hands in his lap and when asked to get up on the stage he followed the other kids and sang the songs just like he was asked. He also has no fear of the "villians" in the movies we let him watch. He adores 'Finding Nemo' and laughs when the sharks make their entrance. His other favorite movies are 'Monsters University', 'Toy Story', 'The Incredibles', 'Emperor's New Groove' and 'Alice in Wonderland'. Actually, any movie that we allow him to watch quickly becomes a favorite.

His favorite TV shows are 'Dinosaur Train', 'Super Why', 'Toy Story of Terror' and he will still enjoy watching 'Sesame Street', 'Mickey Mouse Clubhouse' and 'Thomas the Train'.

Liam told me today that he is a big boy and even though I tried to tell him that he will always be my baby he laughed and told me that I was wrong and that he is really a big boy. He also has started blocking my kisses. (waaaaaay too early in my opinion, isn't that a pre teen thing???) And has quite the knack for being bluntly honest. Like telling me, "Whoa Mommy! Your belly is getting really big!" or "Yikes Mom! Your hair is a mess!" or "Mommy, you smell. I think you need to take a shower."

Liam loves to take pictures with my camera and he also loves to help me cook and bake. He is very good at playing by himself but always asks if we want to play with him.

He is my smart, loving, little boy and I am blessed that I get to be his Momma!

Just speaking the truth

The other day I was telling Liam how on Friday we would be having a play day with Aunt Ellen, Staley and Adelie.

M: Won't that be fun to play with your cousins?
L: YES!
      (a slight pause as I could see he was thinking of something)
   Mommy? You going to be there too?
M: Yes, I'll be there. Why, do you think I should not be?
L: Yeah Mommy. You stay home, I'll play with Aunt Ellen and Staley by myself.


You gotta have tough skin to be a part of this family.

Miscarriages

This entire pregnancy I have been in doubt. Is there really a baby in there? Will we really be able to bring another baby home? Will Liam understand if something terribly goes wrong? I have, as you can see, been trying to put my faith and trust in God that he will not make us go through another failed pregnancy but been failing at that miserably.

With my two miscarriages I thought I was pretty far along when I found out that we had lost the babies. My first miscarriage I was about 10 weeks (?) and I had already been to the doctor, but then at the second appointment they couldn't find the heartbeat. We were told that we lost the baby around 6 weeks but my body had not figured that out apparently. I was actually quite nauseous and had read the more sick you are the healthier the baby. Unfortunately not true in my case.

Two months after the first miscarriage I was pregnant again. Obviously I was much more worried this time around. With my history, my doctor was also much more careful. We ran more tests to check my HcG levels and also my progesterone. My HcG levels were good and doubling as they should but my progesterone level was around 17. It should be 20 or higher. Progesterone is believed to help sustain a pregnancy and if you are low it could be a reason for miscarriage. I was put on progesterone supplements twice daily and was also restricted with lifting most things. The doctor also wanted ultrasounds done every two weeks starting at my 6 week appointment. We were more than happy to oblige as we wanted to make sure that things were developing as they should.

The first two ultrasounds went perfectly. We couldn't see much but we definitely saw the fluttering of that heartbeat which to me instantly made me feel better. My third ultrasound I was by myself. I had naively thought that since we had seen the heartbeat twice already that everything would be great.  I was waiting in the reception room for my name to be called and I got this terrible feeling. Just that things were not going to be ok. Now, I pushed that emotion down because I had clearly felt this way many times during this pregnancy. I was so anxious but told myself that I was overreacting and to stop worrying.

When the ultrasound technician called me back and we took a look at the screen, it didn't take long for me to see there was none of the usual heartbeat flutters that I was so accustomed to seeing. I could see that the baby was bigger since the last appointment but no heartbeat. I immediately asked the tech "where was the heartbeat?" She grabbed my knee, looked at me and said, "Honey, I'm so sorry."

I will never forget that feeling or moment. Anyone who has been in my same situation will always remember that moment when they are told that their baby is no longer. It is absolutely heartwrenching.  Through tears of mine the doctor told me that she could see thickening at the back of the neck and that either meant the baby had just died or that there was a defect which caused the miscarriage. The office repeatedly wanted to call someone for me, to comfort me, but I just wanted to get out of there. I was almost 11 weeks along.

On my short drive home I called Evan who immediately wanted to come home to be with me. I told him that my mom was home watching Liam and that he could come home at his usual lunch hour (which would only be an hour away anyway). I am so thankful that my mother had offered to watch Liam so that I could go to the appointment alone. I couldn't imagine being alone with him and being told that kind of news. He, at the time, was almost 2 years old.

Walking through the door I collapsed into my mother. I completely lost it and through sobbing gasps told my mother that we had lost another baby. I am so thankful that my mother was there to hold me and will never forget her comforting words when I was in my darkest hour. She spent the whole day with me as we had planned, decorating for Christmas. When I refused to eat anything at lunch due to my emotional state, that was when she got worried. I reassured her that I would be fine but I needed to grieve this loss and that may take a little time.

While singing Liam his lullaby songs before his naptime I began singing, Jesus loves me. A song I have known since I was his age and knew I could sing without even thinking about the words. I was however shocked at the words,
                   
                        'little ones to him belong, they are weak but He is strong.'

I never blamed God for taking these two babies from me. However, I do not understand, nor will I ever understand the ways He does things. I dove into the scripture and gravitated towards this verse which has helped me immensely:

Isaiah 43 Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;

I have called you by name, you are mine.

 When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;

and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you;

when you walk through fire you shall not be burned,

and the flame shall not consume you.

 For I am the Lord your God

I am not the best Christian out there nor am I the wisest. I only know what I believe and that is that God is my Father and he loves me more than anything. I am only writing about all of this because it has been eating me alive for the past year. And if one person reads this and can identify with what we have been through or maybe they are going through their darkest hour as we did than it is worth writing and talking about. 

The reason we lost that second baby was due to a defect called partial molar pregnancy. It is a genetic defect that results from too many chromosomes. Instead of the normal 46 chromosomes, our baby had a whole other set resulting in 69 chromosomes. The baby would not have made it through the entire pregnancy regardless of our hopes and wishes. The other fun fact about molar pregnancies is that a "mole" or tumor starts to grow on the placenta. This was removed when I had to have the D & C but I had to be monitored afterwards to make sure that the tumor was not growing back. If it would have, which can happen, I would have started chemotherapy immediately. Talk about scary stuff. Thankfully an easy blood test to measure HcG helps them to determine if the tumor is growing. (this type of tumor emits hcg) This also meant I couldn't get pregnant until I was given the green light by my doctor. A very long 8 months it was. 

We have been through a lot. Not as much as some couples or women have to go through with infertility issues but it was enough for us. I hope that we never have to go through this again. 

Which brings me to my last point: Infertility sucks. It is hard, it is heartwrenching, it is an emotional rollercoaster. So the next time you see that couple at church, or out and about, do me a favor. Don't ask them when they're going to start having kids or when they're going to have more. Because they might have just found out they just lost another baby, or that the IVF they saved for for months didn't work....again. Be sensitive to what you may not have understanding of. 

Being 3 might just be harder than 2

This is the consensus that Evan and I are coming to anyway. Everything is more dramatic, more pressing, with less patience and less tolerance for parents who just don't understand.

L: "I need my bear!"
M: "I can't get your bear right now, he's in your back pack and I'm driving, so you'll have to be patient and you can have him when we get home."
L: Tears and screaming, 'I want my bear' the majority of the way home
M: "If you can't get it together and calm down then you will not get your bear when we get home and I'll start taking away movie and book privileges as well."
L: More tears and screaming
M: "Ok, Liam you can't finish watching Finding Nemo tonight. If you continue to cry you'll start losing books before bedtime next. (what I really want to do is burn bear at the stake in front of him but I am also fearful that he may never stop screaming if I take away his bear)
L: Through tears, he screams "I'm calm! I'm calm now!"

Ten minutes later he is sitting on the potty crying because his band aid that he insisted on having over his 4 day old owie, is starting to come off. Even though I offer him a new one this is not acceptable and I am looked at as the town idiot. To top it off Butters pushes her way between us and starts sniffing his knee that holds the precious semi sticky band aid.
L: "AAAHHHH! Butters is trying to eat my band aid!"
M: Through muffled laughter and trying to hide my smile, "No she wasn't, she was sniffing it."
L: "NOOOO! She trying to eat it!"
M: "Your band aid has no value to Butters. It doesn't smell like anything she would even remotely eat."
L: "She would eat it! She likes to eat band aids!"

This is news to me. Meanwhile the instigator who shoved her way between us, quickly retreated as she always does, whenever Liam starts screaming for no apparent reason. She is a smart one that dog. I wish I could hide under the table whenever Liam started screaming but instead I just have to explain why dogs don't like band aids and why his action figure, Catwoman, won't stand up by herself. (I haven't figured out how to tell him the manufacturer made Catwoman "top heavy" and this is why she won't stand up by herself)

Birthday Boy

Where has the time gone? I used to have a little baby boy....

and today that baby boy turned 3! 

 I always imagined myself as a mother. I didn't however realize how much that role would change my life. This sweet, funny, happy boy has turned my heart into mush. We feel so blessed that God has entrusted in us this precious little boy and feel so lucky that we get to watch him grow up. He's a pretty cool kid.

As you can see our theme this year for the 3rd birthday party was superheroes! This year we went all out; in years past I've flirted with themes but this year I was using Pinterest to get ideas and kind of went crazy. These capes are my favorite part of the party this year. I made these capes mainly sew free, except for the velcro at the top, and they turned out so awesome! The kids loved them and wore them for most of the party.  I even made some for the babies and they were so cute!

The refreshment table

The most amazing waters. Emily stayed up with me to
make all of these capes for the bottled waters.
Her brilliant idea
to add the L and the 3

We bought plain masks and then the kids could decorate them with foam stickers.
Liam only wanted the one purple sticker on his, that was enough!

Eli, Liam, Violet & Ivy all superheroed up

Fast as lightning

Even Paul participated in the dress up

The Walles boys

Playing the game: We spray painted little rocks to look like Kryptonite and then told all of the superheroes that they had to collect it before we all lost our powers. None of the kids could touch the kryptonite for fear of losing their own super powers so they each had tongs and had to put all of it in a bucket to dispose of. The kids really loved this one!

Dad and Mom decorating their masks

Super sister Emily who helped us put the party together. Thanks Aunt Emmy!

Super sister Stephanie and her sidekick Baby Ivy. 

The super family of a super 3 year old

Happy Birthday Liam! 

Finally, spilling the beans

that we're having baby #2 due June 1, 2014! I am just about 20 weeks along and we just got back from the doctor where we had our mid ultrasound to check development. Baby is very healthy and growing just like baby should.

We have prayed for this child for a long time. Since Liam I have had two miscarriages that broke our hearts. Because of that we have held onto our little secret for as long as we can. I am truly amazed that God has blessed us with another sweet little baby and cannot wait to meet him or her. We have learned once again that having patience and trusting in God are so incredibly important. We cannot rely on only ourselves to determine where we will go in this life but that God knows the plans for us and He is the one who decides how this crazy life ends up.

And so I am so excited to share these pictures that we have been holding onto since the beginning of November. This is how we shared the  news with both of our parents, except my Mom who's questioning resulted in me telling her the day after we took the positive test. Their reactions were priceless. We had to explain the pictures to my Dad but the Walles' caught on right away.

Liam is so excited to be a big brother. We pray for the baby every night and he talks about how he will share his superheroes with the baby. He also likes to find some of his old "baby" toys and talks about how he will show the baby how to play with it. It is very exciting at the Walles house and we are loving every single minute of it!

Movie time!

Liam will turn 3 in 6 days. As he is becoming older and wiser we decided it was time for his first ever movie theater experience.

The Normal Theater here shows only old classic movies or independent films. Last night they were showing old Looney Tunes clips. We couldn't resist so we decided to forgo Liam's usual bedtime of 8 pm and attend a 7 o'clock showing.

He loved every minute of it. From his very own seat, to the popcorn and raisinets that he picked out. He really thought Bugs Bunny and Yosemite Sam were funny.  He also thoroughly enjoyed the Rabbit of Seville clip. We were even more pleasantly surprised when in the middle of a clip he told us that he needed to use the restroom. We had put him in a pull up because usually at home if he is engrossed in a show or movie he will not get up for fear of missing something and just have an accident. We were very proud of him for his behavior the entire movie.

And we didn't get home that late, an 8:30 bedtime at the time doesn't sound bad but usually we are paying for it the next day. Today has been very manageable.....so far.

In case you have forgotten the Rabbit of Seville clip I will include a part of it for you. It's a classic.